Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
two words: eviction party
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
