it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
