I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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