...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh