So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.