as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she peed on how many people?
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.