there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US