I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.