hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This baby is an asshole
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS