am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
