"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
