So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
