Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
