i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize