my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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