he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I lost the right to judge tonight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
