in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
