i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
