Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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