did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
