The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just invented taco cereal.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
