if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
