using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
