I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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