I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
