Dual....:-)
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
