I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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