i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
