Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did i walk over a car last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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