Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
