Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are two peas in an std pod
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you had me at cake vodka
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
