please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
false alarm, still single
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