Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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