Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
