were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
