jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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