I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
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