dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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