Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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