I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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