we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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