I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
