dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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