It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
