He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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