I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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