Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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