WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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