you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
