Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
