TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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