I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had sex on a roof
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
