Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
