I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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