I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
