so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
