How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
