He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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