we're chasing vodka with high fives
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
honey bunches of taint.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
