the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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