just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
