just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
