so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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