I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
