My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
third nipple confirmed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
