First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
