nut hugger
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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