We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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